the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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