How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
