So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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