Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
