Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
