"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
