i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
