jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
