At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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