did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
