you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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