I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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