I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
