I just pynch a tree in the face
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize