Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
