I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.