i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.