Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.