I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas