Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
