we have officially lost it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
