Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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