You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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