you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
