You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
