Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
