he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
