it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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