Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
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I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The ass gains better be worth it
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