Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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