Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
nutella sex= disaster
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
