Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
