I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
