He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
