Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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