Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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