she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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