My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
