Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
