You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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