chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
