I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
