Sponge bath it is.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
