sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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