I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
