once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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