Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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