I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
