people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
