I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
