So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Operation Purity has been aborted
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
