Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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