His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
