when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Randomize
