Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
