I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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