Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
