I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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