Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
