i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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