i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
