Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
