I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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